Just like mothers throughout the ages, we are those who bear children. But modern moms bear far more too… the mental loads, messy floors, extramural mayhem, lift clubs, zoom calls, work deadlines and snotty noses – no one juggles it better than the modern mom.

For most of us, the village that used to share the responsibility of raising little ones has vanished. In its place are virtual villages… school what’s app groups and glowing insta pics that at once can make us feel more connected and more alone than ever! Some of us work full-time outside of the home, others have given up or paused our careers to raise kids 24/7 – in both cases, we’re doing the best we can with what we have and what we know. It’s not easy – for any of us.

So to honour mothers everywhere this Mother’s Day, us moms at Hluma reflected on 3 golden rules we try to live by to ensure we rise up to the challenges instead of feeling crushed by them.

1. QUIT COMPARING

Nowadays, it’s easier than ever to find out what other people think, what other kids your kid’s age are doing, and to scroll through endless feeds of other families making it all look so easy and fun.

Without really knowing it, we can all begin to place people on our invisible ladder – some might be way ahead of us or our child (leading to feelings of insecurity, envy and self-loathing), others might be below us on our ladder (making us feel just a tad self righteous and good about ourselves for all the wrong reasons).

But the truth is, there is no ladder. None of us fit the textbook cases on every chapter and page. What your child finds easy to do, another might struggle with. What you might battle with, another Mum might breeze through. Does this make you better or worse? No, it just makes you, you.

Mom of two and our very own social media manager, Babalwa, has this to say about comparison: “There is absolutely no one-size-fits-all formula to live by. Just try to enjoy yourself while winging it and do what’s best for yourself and your family!”

2. DITCH DANGEROUS SELF DENIAL

Far from being bosom buddies, mothers and martyrs are not meant to mean the same thing. Now, of course, any person in a family that’s hoping to be happy needs to know how to compromise and sacrifice, but why is it most often the mother who sacrifices most?

Instead of modelling martyrdom (death-of-self) to our kids, let’s rather live out and embody motherdom – being life-bringers and life-lovers. Not just of the lives around us, but of the only life we’ve been truly given: our own.

Entrepreneur, Founder of Hluma Media and mom of two, Zimbini is an inspiring example of this value. In order to ensure that her family, her self and her multiple business interests are all properly looked after – she has refused the temptation to try and do it all, but rather gathered a team (a village if you will) that, together, can ensure none of the big balls drop. In her own words, “For me, it’s about trust. Trusting my tribe, oosisi who help run the home… because WOW – it takes a village!”

3. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE

Through all the crazy ups and downs of parenting and life – let’s remember to be kind to ourselves too. To treat ourselves with the same compassion and grace we seek to extend to our own children on our better days. Because the last thing that nobody really tells you, is that you’re not only raising the next generation, you’re raising yourself too.

Julie is a mom of five little people and Hluma’s creative director. “The everyday grind of parenthood can feel like it’s wearing me down into dust,” she reflects. “But it’s not. Raising kids doesn’t erase us. It raises the temperature, sure. It reveals parts of us we may not always like. But in the end, all this raising really can refine us – if we let it.”

That’s it moms. May we live free of the curse of comparison, ditch the toxic self denial and be as kind and patient with ourselves as we try to be with our kids.

And may we all continue to rise up as we raise this future generation.

Have an awesome day.